My father is one of those guys that refuse to call a professional. If he was a skilled carpenter or at least a fair handyman, this wouldn't be a problem. He has the best of intentions, but bless him, he's better off measuring and cutting his bread and butter. Thanks to his last do-it-yourself adventure, I can tell you exactly how to build stairs the wrong way.

No matter who gives you obvious hints on how to build stairs, like placing a measuring tape on the floor beside you, or asking how big the stairs will be when you're finished, don't measure.

The eyeballs that God gave you are far better than any measuring device, after all. And if you end up wasting space, or if your stairs are so wobbly and crazy-looking that they appear to have been constructed by a drunk teenager, just smile and tell everyone that your stairs have character.

Be sure to cut every single piece beforehand! Don't waste time figuring out if they'll fit together. Get that junk out of the way and cut everything first. Chances are your pieces won't line up right, and you'll waste a lot of wood and your time.

If you have good karma that day, you might be able to get the pieces to snap together perfectly to create a solid flight of stairs. Or not. But you'll have fun either way, right?

Don't use any of that pricey 'quality' wood. This is of the utmost importance! Use any old wood you happen to find lying in a ditch somewhere. Salvage any crumbling old wood from abandoned shacks in the forest.

And hey, you'll be saving money. Can you trust the stairs to last more than a few months? Well, that doesn't matter! You didn't waste money on them anyway, did you?

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